The National Arboretum in Washington D.C.
This is a story about resisting.
On November 2016 I received a large envelope in the mail stating that my household in Southwest, Washington D.C. had been chosen by the Nielsen Company.
Having worked in the media for more than a decade I was familiar with Nielsen and how they were responsible for the television ratings for decades - more than 50 years actually.
I quickly read the letter then stashed it because I had no intention of being a Nielsen household member.
Days later, I came home on a Saturday night and there were flowers on my door. Oh, I have a secret admirer? There was a note from a Nielsen rep named Audrey (named changed to protect her identity) stating she was sorry she missed me and that she’d return another day.
Great. I absolutely had no desire to partake in this. A few days later I got a call from Nielsen asking for a time to meet. I figured I could talk them out of it during the appointment.
Audrey showed up at my place on a Saturday night and we immediately bonded and talked for the next hour about how screwed up the country was. A young African American, Audrey told me how frightening it was to be black during the Donald Trump presidency.
We got back on track and she was delighted that I was familiar with Nielsen. Audrey said she encountered people who refused to partake because they never heard of Nielsen and thought it was a scam. I knew that a show’s popularity was measured by them but had no idea how they tracked it.
“I’m not really the best person for this,” I explained. “I’m not a TV guy. I don’t even watch Game of Thrones!” I figured that statement would disqualify me.
Furthermore, I told her that I love exploring the area with my camera.
“Perfect!” She explained that not all Nielsen family members sat at home for long stretches to watch TV. I would represent the active Nielsen family member.
How could I get out of this?!?
“You’ll be paid during the entire two years,” said Audrey. “The first few checks will be big then the monthly checks will be around …”
Hmmm. Caps tickets and food outings popped into my head.
She told me that I could never post about Nielsen on social media during the entire two years with them. I would be representing a good percentage of the District, pretty much the entire Southwest D.C.
“How many people would I be representing?” I asked.
“Around 70 to 80 thousand I think.”
“Whoa, 80 thousand?!?”
Fast forward to several months later. The rep who stopped by to check on the equipment that they installed on my TV and computer told me the number was much higher, as in more than a hundred thousand. The rep would stop by every six months to check out the equipment and ask me a series of questions.
Back to the appointment with Audrey.
After two and a half hours she welcomed me as the newest member of the Nielsen family. The appointment normally lasts half an hour but we had a lot to say. A Nielsen rep would be coming by in the next few days to install the tracking equipment.
Janurary 20, 2017. Donald Trump’s inauguration day.
Southwest D.C. and part of Northwest would not be watching this inauguration on television. I tried to find the worst show on TV.
Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo tops Trump Inaguration in the D.C. Area
How I wanted to see that headline so badly. Unfortunately the film featuring Boogaloo Shrimp and Shaba Doo has been banished from television.
So I decided to give Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern all of the ratings.
I watched about 15 minutes of the show before I headed out to take photos at the National Arboretum.
The National Arboretum.
I discovered that I could manipulate the ratings. Talk about a perfect way to resist the egomaniac.
Along the way I inadvertently discovered ways to hurt other jerks in the District. There was a time when I missed a Washington Capitals game on Saturday night but fortunately it was being replayed on Sunday afternoon. Conveniently for me it was at 1 pm when the Washington Redskins were playing live.
How fortuitous.
Wish I could’ve seen the look on Redskins owner Dan Snyder’s face when he got word that a replay of the Caps game had higher ratings than his football team in the Southwest D.C. market.
So thanks to yours truly, the Washington Redskins were not viewed in Southwest D.C. for two entire seasons. True, I could be giving myself more credit because Washingtonians probably do not watch this pathetic franchise anymore.
My time with Nielsen is over and I can’t believe how quickly it went by. The rep who dropped by every six months to check the equipment thanked me for being a great Nielsen family member. In fact, he told me that he got promoted because I was so good logging onto the system every time I turned on the TV.
His replacement who I met a couple months ago was a journalism major at George Mason University where I attended college. He had a good laugh when I told him how I denied ratings to Trump and Snyder.
Who knew that being a Nielsen family member could be so fun.
Keep resisting.